Journaling Imperfection

For about 35 years I kept a daily diary, just what I did that day and the entries were not long. I started out in 5 year diaries and then moved on to whatever I could get for the present year. I stopped about 3 years ago because it just seemed to be a waste of time because my life was so boring.

While I was in Oakhaven before Christmas the Day Hospice organiser brought me down a book to start journaling in, but this is different from just writing a daily account of what I did, and maybe some thoughts and feelings. There are no rules and the subject doesn’t have to be me, just a though that inspires me to do something; just something that pops into my mind. My room in Oakhaven had doors which can open out into the gardens. One morning I was eating my porridge for breakfast and a small bird suddenly popped down by the door and disappeared. I thought it was too small for a Robin (and no red breast) … what was it … a Wren? When he hopped into view again it was indeed a Wren. That was the subject for my first journaling subject.

There is an e-course which has just started on the Oprah Winfrey Network which is about art journaling and is called The Gifts of Imperfection and is by Brene Brown. I have signed up to do this one, and the one that follows on at the end of March. The heart of the course is the concept that I am imperfect, but I am enough. Perfection is an aspiration that few will attain, and I doubt that many who are considered to be perfect do not feel that way about themselves. What actually is perfection? Why do we feel the need to be perfect, and perfect in so many aspects of our life. The way we look, what we wear, how we do something, the way the house looks … we are programmed to achieve, but is achieving something also the achievement of perfection? Why can’t I just be ‘enough’. My house is a home and not a showpiece for a magazine. It is where I live and not just where I exist for the judgement of others. For that matter how many people’s opinion really matters that much to me; so why do I try to please people who don’t matter.

I am not exactly sure what I want to get from this course, but I hope it might bring to the front of my mind some of the truths that I know deep in my being to be true about myself, but which I find difficult to accept. One of them is that I AM enough.

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